I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
