There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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