I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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