we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
