i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
