he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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