When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
