4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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