do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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