A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
