Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
