I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
