I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
someone owes me an orgasm
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
