Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how does that bad decision feel?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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