I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
