Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
