she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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