someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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