My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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