sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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