she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
