Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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