Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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