would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
