I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
