A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
