Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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