Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
