You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
