And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
