So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
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whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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