oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
