Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
