T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
