I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
