I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
nutella sex= disaster
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
