im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
bring money and cleavage
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
