come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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