My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
