Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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