You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
