she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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