You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
