You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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