I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
