Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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