Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
