I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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