Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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