So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
