I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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