I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
