You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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