i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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