my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
