OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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