all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
