69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
