also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
