Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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