take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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