so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
