RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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