I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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