we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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