It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
