It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
