he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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