I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
