I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
