just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
