Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
