Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
