I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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